Could marrying someone with Asperger's syndrome be one way to ensure a long and happy partnership? Some couples seem to think so. And on the second date, he asked, “Are we still dating? exactly what was going on is typical of someone with Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Dating someone with Asperger's looks a little different. Adults with Asperger syndrome often experience challenges in social interactions.
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What was not to love about that guy? After we were married, and we were living together around the clock, Kristen began to understand exactly what was hard to love about that guy: And it makes me wonder… How many of us are struggling with something that reveals itself in such cruelly deceptive ways?
We were not talking the same language and misunderstandings were the rule. I learnt the hard way what Asperger Syndrome was. Affected individuals display considerably impaired capacity for social interaction and communication. A diagnosis of AS includes social impairments, such as: They need support and services in the areas of relationships, social care, living skills, respite and community integration, health, housing, education, employment, etc.
Myths and Truths Asperger Syndrome is demonstrated by deficits in communication, social skills and reciprocity of feelings. With limited empathy for others, connecting with a loved one is extremely difficult, so those with Asperger Syndrome go through life focused on their own needs and wants and often miss what is going on with others.
So an Aspie Has A Crush on You: A Guide on Guys with Asperger’s (Written by One) - ACSEXE+
There is no compassion or empathy for the struggles the other person is going through. With that said, here are the signs: They have difficulties with pragmatic, or social, language. Conversely, they may not take your existing knowledge into consideration. They usually have an obsessive, consuming interest in one subject, to the exclusion of others.
A celebrity or even YOU could become their special interest and experience unwanted attention, harassment or stalking.
They come across as arrogant. To us, such phrases immediately convey the general idea intended. A person with AS may hide his confusion by staying silent, laughing along with you or in some way pretending to understand. Their thinking is concrete.
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They have difficulty in generalizing. When they hear a difference of opinion or an attempt to explain a different perspective about a situation, they become defensive because they see it as conflict, or a criticism of who they are.
They can become quite defensive when asked for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse as the man with AS attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world. They are prone to ruminating or fixating on bad experiences with people or events for an inordinate length of time.
They often have a very difficult time hearing the negative emotions of others. I felt he was just like my family and I was projecting my youthful trauma all over the green screen he presented to me. He is trying harder than anyone in my family to accommodate my needs. And so, after 16 years of difficulty with traits that I now know are AS related, I realized how much Mike had tried to make room for me in his world.
I recognized how hard it was for him to be in a relationship, and began to notice all his attempts, which were big for him.
And the more he did, the more loved and secure I began to feel with him. Out of his unconditional love for me, he was offering more verbal and physical cues.
I just had to pay attention to the way he demonstrated them, rather than limit myself by only seeking what I was looking for. Long story short, these last 8 years together we have had little conflict because I have been able to accept him for who he is, as he has done for me all these years.
He is the perfect partner for me. I learned an important lesson from being married to a man with Aspies that I want to share with anyone dealing with a partner: Say you were upset recently about how your spouse handled you being sick. She left food without asking how I felt.
Be specific about your needs. Many of us expect our partners to automatically know what we want.
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Or to know what we want after the many hints we drop. Rather than expecting your partner to naturally know what you want or hinting at it, communicate your needs as specifically and directly as possible. Can you please do the yard work? To your partner, this might mean weeding. Because you and your partner experience emotions differently, having an emotional connection also can be challenging. Remember that people with AS have a difficult time understanding and identifying emotions, and they may show very little emotion or express inappropriate emotions.
You also might miss displays of deep connection from your partner because you express emotions so differently. Ariel includes the below exercise to help you and your partner articulate how you can improve your emotional connection.